Empty Calories

Last week I was at the same time dismayed and elated that our candy machine at work was not functioning. Dismayed because it taunted me with delicious sugary goodness locked behind a thin pane of glass that I could not access regardless of how many New Mexico state quarters I dropped into the machine and elated that I could not access the sugar, fat and empty calories contained in those scrumptious food items.


Then yesterday, while lamenting this to a coworker I learned something amazing. The candy machine wasn't broken, the light was just out. So today I went downstairs to try it out and lo and behold (what exactly does that mean, anyways?) it proved to be true! And there was a new item in the machine:

(Normally you would see five different colored candies within the wrapper, but this one, like the calories it once contained, is empty.)

Made by the same candy company that brings you Brach's, Trolli and Super Bubble, Chuckles is basically five colored gum drops in a standard candy package. While I was initially put off by the wrapper that didn't seem to have been updated since roughly 1953, I decided that these specific candies were not from 1953, because I don't think they would have advertised that they were "A Fat Free Candy" in 1953. Sure it's loaded with 34 grams of sugar and absolutely no protein...or vitamins, but it's fat-free! Hooray!


And what's really great about Chuckles is that it has five flavors all distributed equally in every package: Lemon, Lime, Orange, Licorice (of the black variety) and Red. I'm not entirely sure what flavor "Red" is, but I suppose it's one of the standard red fruits such as Cherry, Strawberry or Ligonberry. This stands in great contrast to your standard bag of gumdrops that has an inordinate number of orange and lemon drops which, as in gatorade, are the least desirable yet most abundant. (This is also true for popsicles and other non-dairy frozen treats.)


Now I must daily deal with the knowledge that there is a functioning candy machine in the dining room and force myself to either satisfy myself with the stash of Kashi treats in my desk drawer or succumb and deny myself the chocolatey goodness of a "Large Size" Kit-Kat bar and go with Baked Lays...or possibly Chuckles.